Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
