and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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