you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
