my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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