Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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