I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
