Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
