She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize