OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
