some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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