I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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