I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize