He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
