i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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