that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Found your dick twin last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
