I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
