So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
