I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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