were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
