I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
