Having a random hookup so left but love u
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
