i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
