Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
