I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
