I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
