For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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