If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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