And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
