Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
