I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
