It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
