Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
