Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
