I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
