his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
