I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
