Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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