Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
