he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
