guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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