i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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