i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
