So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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