That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
