I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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