Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sober January is a disaster.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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