I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize