you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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