I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
