its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
