You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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