Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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