my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think people are normalizing furries
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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