Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
