he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
