I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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