This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
