Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
