i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
