How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
