I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
