There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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