im about as happy as oj after his trial
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
