ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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