census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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