weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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